Karkat and Asian Food
by KurohanaMaoi
Summary: What happens when John takes Karkat to an Asian restaurant...


Your name is John Egbert, and your taking your friend, Karkat, though, he would say otherwise, on a small 'tour' or 'adventure' or whatever you felt like calling it of Earth. So, you decided it was best to have Karkat try out the food first. Yeah, turns out, not such a bright idea, dumbass.

Being that your 'bright idea' was to bring out Karkat to different restaurants, you start out with this common Asian restaurant. Of course, it wasn't something your could pronounce, but you still went to it with your dad when you felt like it.

Karkat stared at the sign, trying to make out that Chinese or Japanese or whatever it was on the sign. He continued to squint...and squint...

"FUCKING SIGN. Why can't these signs have normal names? Or something people could actually READ!" Karkat cursed loudly, stomping his foot into the snow that covered the ground. "This place is so strange, John! You can't even have signs that people can read!" he complained on and on, pissed off at a _sign. _You simply sigh, knowing that explaining this to him wasn't going to be easy.

" C'mon Karkat! Just, please be calm and not scare the kids, please?" You begged, hoping he wouldn't cause a ruckus. What kind of word was 'ruckus' anyway? You decided you'd contemplate the word later and just deal with the present problem. Curses were mumbled as Karkat folded his arms across his chest as you dragged him into the restaurant. He was a bit heavy, especially under the layers of clothes you forced him to wear. You wouldn't allow him to leave unless he had at least a _coat _on, because otherwise he'd just go in his everyday clothing, nothing to keep him warm from the winter. Since you made him wear a coat, he decided to wear a hat and a pair of ear-muffs, too. Those ear-muffs were your special ones too, the ones that looked like headphones but were fuzzy on the inside, had music notes on the sides and were just too awesome. Apparently, Karkat didn't understand the fact that they were yours. Oh well. You'll get them back...hopefully.

You finally pushed him inside the restaurant without any movement from Karkat himself, he just let you move him. The restaurant was warm and the smells were oh so fabulous as you sniffed them in. Karkat seemed unimpressed, staring at the various decorations hanging around, the fans, the dragons.

" Terezi would have a fucking fit in here because all the red and dragons...," Karkat mumbled to himself, thinking of what the others would think.

" Language, Karkat, we're in public...," you warned him, shaking a finger at him. You're not his mother, you don't even know why you would care if he swore in public. You should be used to his swearing by now. He simply scowled at you, then looked away. You and Karkat took off the layers of clothing until you got to your actual daily clothing. Winter, how it forced you to wear so many layers just to keep warm. You grabbed a table right next to a window, near the corner of the restaurant. You stare intensely at the menu, as if you focused on it, it would help you decide what to order. That didn't work, as you find out about 5 minutes later. Karkat rolled his eyes as he saw you strain your eyes just to look at the menu, mumbling something underneath his breath. Whatever it was, you're sure it was something along the lines of 'dumbass'. He simply looked bored, not sure what to make of the menu since he had never heard of these foods.

At last, you finally decide on what to order. You don't even think Karkat really _looked_ at the menu to decide. You order a bowl of ramen with everything in it. " I'll have what ever the f-," Karkat started to say, but knew you were going to yell at him for it. "I'll have whatever it is he's having," he corrected himself. You smiled and give him a small thumbs up. He simply rolls his eyes and waits for the waitress to leave to flip you the bird. You laugh a bit, knowing that at least he started to improve on his habits.

" You know, I'm not really into Asian food and all, but this is a great place," you say, trying to start a conversation with him. He wasn't even listening to you. He had his head propped up with his hand and is staring out the window. He had a distant look in his eyes, you're not really sure what to make of it. Another thing to contemplate later. The waitress whom took your order comes back with steaming bowls of ramen, the aroma wafting off of it so delicious. The waitress sets it down and rushes to another table. You wait till the hot ramen cools a bit, but Karkat goes and tries and dive in. Notice that he _tries_, but he fails miserably. Using chop sticks isn't easy, man.

You watch Karkat struggle with the chop sticks, every two seconds the chop sticks falling from his grasp. It was a pretty damn hilarious sight to see, in all honesty. You watch him make so many angry facial expressions that you burst out laughing from him trying. Yeah, smart idea. He throws the chop sticks straight at you, hitting you in the forehead.

" Hey! You could've poked my eye out!" you scold him, rubbing your forehead which is now prone to a red spot. Karkat picks up a fork this time, knowing he can at least use that. He forks up (hehe, you realize your pun and silently laugh to yourself), some of the ramen, examining first what he was going to put into his mouth. He shrugged and took a chop. You see his eyes gleam, as if he was tasting food for the first time.

* * *

><p>You are Karkat Vantas, and you just had the most delicious things you have ever had. Why had John never mentioned this amazing fucking stuff before? You just thank gog for this fucking scrumptious food you just put inside your mouth.<p>

Why can't you just stick your head inside the fucking bowl and drown in it? Oh yeah, you can. Of course, some fuckasses were going to stare, but, haters gonna hate. You can't believe you just thought that. Gog, don't ever do that again. Ever. You write yourself a mental note to never even _think_ of saying 'haters gonna hate'.

You slam your head into the bowl, splattering the broth and noodles everywhere. John just stared with that fucking dumb look that he usually has on his face, a noodle sticking onto his face. After a few minutes of literally pigging out on whatever this was, you lift your head from the bowl, your face covered in broth. Oh gog, the look on John's face, he looks at you as if you were some insane fucking serial killer. All the people within the restaurant stared at you, most likely what the fuck was wrong with you.

" Mommy mommy! Look at that weird gray man! He's all messy!" a little girl yelled, yanking on her mother's coat. The mother stared in disgust while the girl giggled at you. Oh how you fucking wanted to scream at that little girl, but, John would fucking be pissed if you did. You continued to slurp the delicious concoction anyway, despite all the people staring.

**Be the other guy.**

* * *

><p>You are now the other guy, and oh my god what the hell was karkat doing! He's making a complete fool of himself! Wait...you've made a complete fool of yourself too...but not in public! At least you hope you didn't. Whatever, you can think of whether or not you've humiliated yourself later. You just stared at him blankly, unsure of what to say or do. You hadn't even tried your food yet, so you pick up your chop sticks and...<p>

_Whap! _The chop sticks were knocked out of your hand by Karkat. The chop sticks fell to the floor. While you got on the floor to locate the chop sticks, Karkat managed to snatch your own bowl of ramen and start slurping that one. You got back up, unsuccessful at finding the chop sticks knocked out of your hand, and notice the missing bowl of ramen from your seat. Karkat had already finished both bowls. God damn does he eat fast.

Karkat's eyes shifted from side to side, in search of ramen. " I'm...going to go the the bathroom," Karkat fibbed, though, you could not detect it. He stood up quickly, nearly sprinting and quickly grabbed a boy's ramen and ran inside the restroom, locking the door.

" Did he just do...," you started to say out loud, then shook your head, hoping he didn't. Then, you hear the little boy cry to his father.

" Daddy! That boy took my food!" the boy said through sniffles, wiping away tears. You can't believe it. He really did just steal a little kid's ramen.

Moments later, Karkat came out of the bathroom, his face now washed. He somehow still looked hungry, you can just tell. He had his eyes on some little girl's ramen now. Except...the only thing in Karkat's way was the huge father of the little boy who's ramen was now sitting in Karkat's stomach. Karkat stared up at the man, determination in his eye, a piece of noodle sticking out of his teeth.

" Are _you_ the bastard who took my son's food?" the father said with a gristly voice. Karkat now seemed a little scared, but not much.

"...Later fucker!" Karkat saluted,running around the man and running to you, grabbing his coat and you at the same time. You managed to snatch your coat before he dragged you much farther.

" Stop!" a small, elder Chinese lady shouted. Karkat stopped, his heart beating faster, knowing that he would be found guilty.

" Don't...make...a...fucking...sound...," Karkat whispered, a strange tone to his voice. Of course, you listened, not sure what else to do.

" You two! Get out of my restaurant, you -," she said, the rest of the sentence going off into Chinese. You both bolt out of there like there's not tomorrow, not even bothering to put your coat on first. As soon as your out there, you hurriedly put your coat on and run for your house.

You walk in the door, shouting to Dave, " I'm home!". He puts down the totally ironic book that he's reading to actually pay somewhat attention to you.

" Cool, how did your little introduction to human cuisine go? Did Karkat bitch a lot as usual? Dave asked, actually seemingly interested. Unusual for him. Though, you could never know with Dave.

You spent about a half hour going on about the past events, though, you hadn't noticed Dave had just gone on reading his book.

" And then we got kicked out because Karkat was stealing little kid's food...," you finish, plopping down on the arm chair.

" I actually really don't care," Dave said, flipping a page in his book. You groan, knowing you just wasted 30 minutes explaining for absolutely nothing.

**[[Author's Note]]**

**Okay, this is based off of this ****http :/hottang****. deviantart****. com/**** gallery**** /#/**** d47tqq6**

**Yeah. This is silly. |D Hope you enjoy!**

**Also, this is my first, but definitely not last, Homestuck fanfic. 8D**


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